Bonnie's Thoughts
by kandall44
Summary: What Bonnie thinks on a daily basis. Review please..


Maybe it was for the best.

Grams dying, Jeremy cheating on me, meeting my mother-then kidnapped by my mother, getting possessed to turn Alaric, helping save everyone's lives, being threatened by almost everyone I know, Grams killed again, and now this. Life sucked for me basically. I was Bonnie Bennett, cheerleader and popular girl.

I had friends, the best ones actually. We would do anything for each other. I'm glad I kept that up, nowadays I feel like I am their afterthought. It must be nice to have so many people caring for you, that you can have afterthoughts about others.

Must be nice to have men falling to their toes and getting staked _just _for you. I hated them all. The guys, the girls. Matt still loved Elena, Stefan loved Elena, Damon loved Elena and Tyler loved Caroline, Matt cares about Caroline, Klaus wants to show Caroline the world.

I would love to see the world. And I will. One day I will say a big FUCK YOU to the club. They can go cry about it.

"Bonnie no!"

"Bonnie you can't do this!"

"Bonnie we need your help!"

I will hesitate. But I will remind myself that if I hold back, Damon will snap my neck the second he gets a chance. Elena, the vampire, will probably run off. I don't even know what Caroline would do. The only person who has spoken to me is Stefan. Screw Stefan.

Screw this town. The only people I don't hate are Tyler and Matt. Maybe even Jeremy. They have a head on their shoulders.

I was a witch. I cant be a witch if I don't have powers. Which I don't have. I cant do anything without my powers and they know it.

I don't even know who I am.

They call me judgmental, so maybe I am? They call me weak and useless, am I? Who is Bonnie Bennett? The one who saves lives, the one who would risk black magic to desiccate an original and save her best friend from death. The one who gave up her Grams because Klaus wanted out of Tyler's body. I don't want a definition. I want to be me.

I still don't know who I am.

I hate Elena. I hate her so much now I cant fathom it. I used to love her so much, and now all she does is ruin everything. I'm sick of it. I am sick of it all.

Maybe death would be better than this.

Death _would _be better than this.

Sometimes I like to think that my prince will come, and tell all of them to solve their own problems. Then he will take me to see the world and I will have fun and we could make fires happen and control stuff. He wouldn't have to be supernatural. He would just have to love me.

I wouldn't want him to love me to death. I have seen where that sort of thing will get you. I have seen what that will do to a person. To protect the one you love there will have to be sacrifice. I am too selfless to have someone risk his or her lives for me.

Why cant everyone be that selfless?

For years I was taken advantage of and bitten. Some may say my tribulations are nothing compared to theirs. But I was low in the first place. I was beaten while I was down. It isn't fair!

Who has the right to kill me off? To not value me? I am a good person. I will never be loved I guess.

If I think about this long enough I become weak, and hateful. These are my everyday questions and struggle. I will continue to do my part. But if it has to hurt my own life... Elena is a vampire. Caroline is a vampire. Matt doesn't care about me. Tyler has his own shit that I know nothing about. Jeremy is Elena's brother. He is set with protection for life.

They all can do what they want. I am not a slave to them. I am not there scapegoat. I am not on their speed dial. I will never again let someone else define me. I will get my powers back, and when I do. I am gone. I will not wait for a knight in shining armor. This life is anything but a fairytale and I would wish it on anyone.

**So yeah. This is what came to my mind after that shitty episode. Fuck TVD. I have so much anger right now will someone just rant so I can agree and say amen. I have n=been saying amen to myself for the past hour Ok I'm done.**


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